Greek Tragedy

Tragic maskI’m as worried as anyone about this whole Greece situation. Their economy is in tatters, their government is broke, and bailing them out may collapse the European Union. And who knows what that could foment? Utter chaos in the United States. Let me paint a terrifying narrative of what could happen:

Greece needs money. A lot of it. And it’s asking the EU to bail it out. Sound familiar? The problem is that the EU isn’t thriving right now either, so it can’t give as much as Greece needs. Greece’s economy collapses and the ripple effects bring down the EU. So far, so good. A broken EU only increases the attractiveness of the US market to investors.

But there’s a catch. There’s always a catch. Greece doesn’t have the funds to maintain the quality of their gyro meat exports. They start adding fillers, like cardboard and melamine, but they don’t tell anyone. And why would they? They need the gyro money.

Later, on Wall Street, a young investment banker goes out for a quick bite at a street vendor. He needs to keep his energy up and his mind clear if he’s going to help America thrive. But, tragically, he chooses the wrong cart. He eats one of the substandard Greek gyros, and falls prey to the effects of the European economic collapse.

And he’s not the only one. Up and down Wall Street dozens of investment bankers fall ill and start making bad economic decisions in their melamine-induced delirium. The American economy collapses, the food riots start, and we revert to a barter society where people have to trade chickens for medical care. Impossible? I think not.

But don’t worry, I’m prepared. And you should be too. Just make sure you’ve bought your non-hybrid seeds, chickens, and converted all of your free money into gold. They’ll be the only things worth trading after the inevitable collapse.


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